Setting the Stage: The What's and How's of Therapy
“Soliloquying: Speaking your mind all of the time”
Therapy at its core is about forming an emotional bond and connection with another human being who specializes in helping people overcome and cope with distressing mental, spiritual, and physical needs. There are a lot of questions that usually cross people’s minds when considering whether they should see a therapist. Today’s topic is just that; “Is therapy for me?”
Therapy is for anyone who feels they need some support to overcome or endure the realities of their lives at the moment or on an ongoing basis. So if you’re struggling with choosing between your savings and a cheesesteak, and it’s causing you distress then you might benefit from seeing a therapist. People can also see therapists due to intense ongoing emotions that interfere with daily functioning. If you find yourself so distracted that a day at work passes and you haven’t completed a single task on your to do list because you’ve been scrolling through social media, you might benefit from seeing a therapist, if you haven’t taken your dog out for a walk in days because you can’t bear to get out of bed, you should probably see a therapist. There are countless reasons that someone might choose to see a therapist! You can choose yours.
As many reasons there are TO see a therapist, there are double the reasons not to. Maybe you’re too busy, it costs too much, you’re skeptical, embarrassed, private, maybe it’s taboo, or against your religion, or maybe you’re afraid of looking a certain way to others. Our minds will convince us every time that we can’t seek and receive the help that we need. So hopefully today I can debunk some myths and give you confidence in what therapy can do for you!
First of all, therapy does not make you “crazy”, “weak”, “weird”, or “unstable”. Therapy makes you smart, self-aware, insightful, regulated, and responsible. Choosing to see a therapist means that you have been able to outthink your automatic excuses and to recognize that you need support. The reality is that we all need support!
“Who does your Soliloquy?!”
Therapists are trained to be the audience of your soliloquy and will provide feedback, and help you train your mind and body to be strong enough to endure the stresses of your life. Let me say it again: your therapist is the audience to your Soliloquy! I repeat a therapist is the audience to your soliloquy! That means that the therapist is the one you want in the room when you go into detail about your obsession with trap music. Choosing the right therapist is very important. As kind as Mr. Rogers is, he may not be the therapist who can help you cope with your annoying nosey neighbor or your neediest best friend. When choosing a therapist be picky! First, know what you want and what you need. Do you need someone to listen without judgement and just be sounding board? Do you need feedback? Do you need critical feedback? Or for the therapist to challenge your thinking? Know what you need and want so that you can discern whether someone will be able to meet those needs. Next, pay attention to the therapist’s “vibe” if you will. Does the therapist seem like someone who can empathize with your experiences? Someone who can relate to what you’re saying on any level? Are they too old to get your Fetty Wap references or too young to remember life before smartphones? Do those things matter? If they do, then let them matter. Since a successfully therapy experience is contingent on your relationship with the therapist steps one and two are critical in your search. The third and final critical piece of your therapeutic search should consider what the therapist’s specialty is. For instance, maybe you’ve found a therapist who knows “The Fray”, can work a smart phone and an online platform and you’re wanting to see them to discuss issues you’re having at work. If their specialization is postpartum depression, they may not have the tools you are looking for to deal with your coworkers constant overtalking you or dismissing your ideas.
So, when choosing a therapist, the most important things to consider are what you need, the therapist’s style of therapy, and the therapist’s specialization. Other things to consider are proximity to you, for office visits, availability of preferred session types such as telehealth or in-home session formats, insurance coverages, out of pocket payment options, and whether they have a time available that fits your schedule.
Finally, therapists are people just like you. We are not without flaws or feelings. If for whatever reason you find yourself in a situation where you are not aligned with your therapist, there is nothing wrong with finding a new therapist. But be courteous and explain to your current provider what you aren’t getting from them that you’re looking for. They may have referrals for people who may be better suited to your needs, saving you a ton of time searching and maintaining a positive experience for both of you.
“Special Soliloquy: How can a therapist help?”
Just as much as people vary in their favorite ice cream flavors, therapists vary in their approaches and areas of specialization. Therapists can help with a wide range of things. Most prominently therapists deal with mental and behavioral health diagnoses. These are things such as generalized, anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, and post-traumatic stress disorder. Therapists who work with mental health diagnoses use a variety of evidenced based practices that have been proven to help clients (that’s you) alleviate the symptoms of these disorders and overcome the disorders when possible. These therapists may work in tandem with psychiatrists who can prescribe medications to help clients overcome complex diagnoses. Therapists can also help with a variety of everyday life stressors, such as coping with loss of a loved one, coping with a break-up or a divorce, managing a household of children during a pandemic when COVID-19 has closed everything, sudden changes in living situations, or employment status. Therapists can literally support you through ANYTHING! Some therapists focus on specific disorders, such as addictions while others focus on specific populations such as women or adolescents.
There is a therapist in your area who can help you with what you need.
“What’s in a Soliloquy?”
Once you’ve found your therapist the real work begins. Remember, we’re in the room… in the room with your therapist YOU are the star. The stage is yours and you have a reserved time to make your Soliloquy heard.
Your therapist will probably have a lot of questions before you begin your Soliloquy. They will want to know your history, where have you come from and where are you going? You’re still the captain of the ship, still in charge of how quickly or slowly you arrive at your destination, but the therapist is the navigator helping you mange any storms along the way and helping you avoid and breakdown and icebergs that threaten to sink you like the Titanic.
Once you’ve established your goals the navigator, I mean therapist will create a treatment plan. This is the map, it tells us where you’ve been, where you are now, and where you want to go. It also shows exactly how the therapist plans to help you get there. This is always helpful because week to week your position might seem to change, maybe this week Sharon at the office is getting on your nerves and next week you can’t get over the senseless violence all over the internet. The therapist will be able to keep you on track towards your goals even through those shifts because of this trusty dusty map queue *Dora the Explorer map theme song*.
“Final Act: A soliloquy well done”
While some modalities last longer than others, and some Soliloquies need more time to be digested, therapy is not meant to be a forever thing. The idea of therapy is that once you have shown that you have learned and are able to implement the necessary skills to overcome and endure your obstacles, or once you’ve reached that ‘X’ on the map, your therapist should begin to discuss you discharge. Discharge can be a scary thing; you’ve likely come to rely on the time you spend weekly with this person and now you’re finding out that its coming to an end. The therapist should be able to give you evidence of your ability to manage without them, they should be able to provide you enough reassurance that you can do this! Every therapist practices differently with regard to ending the therapeutic relationship. I have found that the best way is slow and gradual. Session frequency and duration may de crease to the point where you’re only seeing your therapist once per month or once every other month. It is okay to request that you remain on the therapist’s caseload so that you can schedule sessions as needed.
“End Scene: Unabashed honesty about who you are”
Therapy can be a beautiful experience for anyone who wants it. If you’re just beginning your journey to finding you therapy home, I hope these simple soliloquies have been helpful.